"Tonight, I'm cleaning out my closet [of CDs]." -Eminem
SKID ROW - S/T
Man, Serato justifies some idiotic purchases. Like this one for example. Do I have long hair (or for that matter, any hair at all? As I am rapidly balding?) Is it 1989, and I am in Jew Nersey working on my Thunderbird? Do I stuff nerds into lockers because I live in Wisconsin? Actually, I guess if I TRULY were into Skid Row, I would live on skid row. None of these things are true! It's only bc I like "I Remember You" and agree with the sentiments of "18 And Life" and "Youth Gone Wild" that I thought I should buy this CD, so as to have those songs in my computer at C.Q.S (CD Quality, Son). Total number of times, in my life, that I have voluntarily listened to/played any of those songs: zero.
BEST SONG: I REMEMBER YOU
SEXY BEAST OST
LOL, myself. This CD is an import, meaning it must have cost me like $25! Guh! This is hilarious that I have this. Why? Because this CD has 2 amazing songs (Mancini's "Lujon" and "Peaches" by the Stranglers), and 11 terrible ones. In a twist surprising NO ONE, the 11 terrible songs are also the ones written by UNKLE (sans DJ Shadow) and South, which is the reason I originally bought this nonsense in the first place. I should have spent my money on DJ Dexta records, YKNOWWHATI'MSAYIN! Anyways, this movie is good. Sir Ben Kinglsey slays and the scenes with the 2 good songs are good. Woof, James Lavelle. Woof as well as oof.
AMON TOBIN - BRICOLAGE
Man, Amon Tobin. Way to use a high-minded French-origin word as an album title. Why don't you call your album Fromage or Patisserie while you're at it? Isn't Amon Tobin Brazilian? I was really into him for a while. Anytime you get one of these post-D&B guys like Amon Tobin or Squarepusher, they are really unrewarding bc the good songs to shitty songs ratio is so poor. I had to listen to 10 songs of fretless bass guitar squooglings before I got to "Port Rhombus." I had to listen to 20 terrible go-nowhere "atmospheric" fake D&B songs before I got to something like "Nightlife". Is there even one good song on this CD? Maybe? All I know for a fact is that if you have this on vinyl it probably goes for decent money on eBay. Ninja Tune lovers are nothing if not completists.
MORRISSEY - LIVE AT EARLS COURT
My first Moz concert was for his "You Are The Quarry" tour and it was amazing, you guys. The first song he played was "First of the Gang to Die," which means that the first time I saw Morrissey, the first thing he said was "you have never been in love" and I was like "you're kind of right!" This was the tour in which he just recently lifted the embargo on Smiths songs (as opposed to the tour he did after which was like a greatest hits tour). One thing I figured out from owning this particular CD is that the live version of "There Is A Light" is the same BPM as "Losing My Religion," so I used to play those 2 back-to-back, until the bartender was like "why the hell would you play the slower, shittier, older version of There Is A Light?" to which I had no reply but to immediately stop doing it. These days I'll go from the LP version to "Common People."
HELIUM - THE DIRT OF LUCK
The artiest, punkiest Asian I knew in high school LOVED THE SHIT out of Helium. He was also in an alt-rock band named after a wrestler and today is a designer who is still super arty. The lesson? Arty people remain arty, and are into arty things. When I tried to follow in his footsteps and bought this CD, I only knew "Pat's Trick" and "Medusa," which are still the only 2 songs I know. If it's 1995 and you're into Stone Temple Pilots, records like this are incomprehensible walls of confusing sound. Is Helium good? "I don't even know anymore." -The Simpsons