the 21 gun salute!: Useless CDs

Ugh! CDs! Too many of you! Get rid of you! I must! -Yoda

TENACIOUS D - S/T

Is this CD funny? Does this CD rock? The answer to both questions is a very qualified yes, depending on how old you are. I would never make anyone my age listen to "They're All Gonna Laugh At You," but if you're 15 you better put on a diaper and have Kleenex ready because you will cry and shit with laughter. Looking at my copy of this CD, there is somehow neither a BMG Music Service nor a Columbia House UPC code on the back, which leads me to believe that I MUST HAVE PAID MONEY FOR THIS? Probably at Tower Records for $18.99? That is ridiculous.

On a side/related note, I bought the Bourne Supremacy DVD today at the Brooklyn Record Riot because I really like that franchise of moveis, and I texted my ex-RM about it, and he said "why would you buy a DVD of anything?" and at that moment I asked myself the same question. DVDs! Hilarious! So dated already.

This CD is funny, I guess. "Fuck Her Gently" will forever remain the most popular song on this album, especially because Jack Black goes "ZANZIBAR!" in it. Other than that I have literally no recollection of any other song on this album. Weird things about it: the Dust Brothers produced it. Dave Grohl plays drums on it. Bob Odenkirk wrote one of the songs on it. Other than that I would say that this album kind of pushed Jack Black beyond the pale for me. I like him in High Fidelity and in School of Rock, and everything else has been kind of Blughs.

THE FALL - 50,000 FALL FANS CAN'T BE WRONG

Yes they can be! You know what? If ever I was going to follow my dream of becoming James Murphy, I would force myself to like this and Pylon. Because even a cursory glance at the song listing makes it interesting:

1. "How I Wrote Elastic Man" - was homage'd by Elastica
2. "Hip Priest" was homage'd by LCD
3. There's a cover of "There's A Ghost In My House"! Northern Soul BARNSTORMER! (what they now refer to as "massive choon")
4. Plus it has "Totally Wired" and "Mr Pharmacist" which are the only 2 good Fall songs I know.

So... maybe the Fall are worthwhile? Anyone out there have opinions?

SADE - LOVERS ROCK

Remember when I said that Wilco, Bob Dylan and Springsteen were "too white" for me? Well, Sade ("it's pronounced SHAR-day.") is too black for me. Am I Naymond's mom? Nope. Will I ever have relations to this album? Nope. Why do I have it. I have no idea.

DJ QBERT - WAVE TWISTERS

Haha! There was a year when I was really, REALLY into Wave Twisters. I would "get blunted" (AKA "get bliz-nigh") and watch the VHS of this, which is a funny sentence to write. I would try to get my friends into it too. Wave Twisters is extremely dorky, and like all things related to ISP, only really digestible in 2 minute doses. Sorry, John Carluccio, but Skratch Notation never took off, because it is FUCKING IDIOTIC. I can appreciate self-mythologizing and "let's elevate skratching to an art form" but I never bought it.

Turntablism is neither an art nor is the turntable a musical instrument. Not to say that there are not people who are very talented that can make strong arguments in that favor, bc there definitely are (DJ Shadow though technically I guess he uses samples, DJ Dexta, Kid Koala, Qbert, D Styles, etc) , but it's the same thing with comics. The form itself is already limiting and the standard is so low that if you are intelligent/talented and make something that elevates the form then congratulations, Alan Moore, Dan Clowes, and Chris Ware! But that does not mean the entire medium itself is now no longer "just for kids," it just means that you are very talented and you made a great work.

Also, try to watch this without getting a seizure. Not to say it is "poorly done" because I think it actually is pretty revolutionary and extremely, unapologetically weird, and SO OBVIOUSLY the result of doing an insane amount of drugs: