Continuing with my comprehensive record sorting mission, I've realized that a lot of 80s hair rock bands are going in the trash. So long, Sister Christian and Motley Crue records, better luck next time appealing to me!

JOHN LINNELL MONTANA 10"

This was from John Linnell's seemingly aborted State Songs project. He put out one album and that was it. I am obviously a giant TMBG fan but despite this the John Linnell album was pretty uneven. Just like Mono Puff was too much Flansburgh, this is too much Linnell, even though there's plenty of melody overload on tracks like Maine and South Carolina. I get the distinct feeling that literally nobody reading this will know what I'm talking about.

JOHN FOGERTY CENTERFIELD 12

Joel from Vig Bar demanded I start playing this song due to its singularly overwhelming awful/earnestness and when I did I could not believe my ears. Shortly thereafter I found this amazing promo 12 of it (God bless the record industry) and gave it to Joel, who proudly nailed it above the booth as the Emergency DJ Record. When Fogerty screeches "PUT ME IN COACH I'M READY TO PLAY" I can actually feel him grabbing my shoulders and shaking me violently.

A BUNCH OF LED ZEPPELIN ALBUMS

Check out 2 for Tuesdays over here! I will have no trouble GETTING THE LED OUT this Labor Day Weekend! In the same way ATCQ is the perennial sound of every Liberal Arts college student's freshman year, so too is Led Zeppelin the sound of every suburban high school guy's brain. How many doobies have been puffed away in how many parking lots to the deafening shreds of Aleister Crowley-worshipping, child-touching Jimmy Page? When I related this theory to Ctown she told me that the high school female equivalent was this.

LIVING COLOUR CULT OF PERSONALITY 12"

How simultaneously proud and embarrassed am I by this record. I include it only because this song is super fun to sing at karaoke -- at the end when he goes "I AM A CULT OF! I AM A CULT OF!" you can say "I AM A TOW TRUCK! I AM A TOW TRUCK!" and no one will hear the difference.

MEATLOAF PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT 12"

After realizing I had this, I did a quick ebay search and was quickly filled with a sense of sadness and disappointment.

NICK CAVE DEANNA 12"

Um, this record rules.

NU SHOOZ I CAN'T WAIT 12"

This is one of my favorite records, not just because I Can't Wait is a perfect 80s pop song, but because Valerie fucking Day signed it! She makes it out to "John" and thanks him for helping on the record, which I assume and hope is John Smith, AKA dude who produced it while Valerie Day was in the shitter doing lines of blow off of Andre Cymone's keytar.



OFFSPRING SELF ESTEEM 12" / COME OUT AND PLAY GATEFOLD 7"

Moving on


A BUNCH OF PATTI SMITH ALBUMS

Because The Night is good, the end. And that wasn't even written by her! Patti Smith sucks. Why do I even have these records? The only thing worse than a "Punk Poetess" are brutally unfunny girls doing improv/stand-up, or the spoken word tracks at the end Roots albums. Does this make me both a racist and a sexist? The answer of course is yes and yes.