The tour has taken us out of Germany. We had a day off and decided to hit up Amsteram, land of heavenly (or at least idiot 17 year old) delights. So we all know that in Amsterdam, it's legal to buy/smoke pot. What I didn't know (but probably should have been able to guess) is that Amsterdam is in fact what would happen if Spencer's Gifts were not just a shitty chain in the local Galleria Mall but rather a city.

I thought tourism was rampant in Thailand, Amsterdam takes it to a whole other level. Everyone wanders around wasted, screaming dumb shit like "look out, the Americans are coming!" Every single store has nothing but pot paraphernalia for sale, and the pot-smoking alien is like the national animal. I figured this would be the PERFECT place for me to finally buy my "I know why they're here [image of alien smoking giant doobie]" Tshirt, but alas, this is the best I could do:



I decided to buy a pot shirt for my friend back home, and was up in the air about this one, mostly because it's literally Lil Jon:



But ultimately I decided to go with this one, because the dude is LITERALLY SITTING ON A POT. That's art direction, people!



Basically every moronic icon of the 70s is even further moronically reified in literally every possible form here. Here's Nathan posing with the Lizard King, AKA Jesus Christ Himself:



So in honor of Lil Jon and smoking pot, I am posting one of the only like 5 Lil Jon songs that I like:



This is in case you need to follow along.

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The other day we played at a venue that was innocuously named Schlachthof. Apparently Sonic Youth played the night before. They have cute buttons and whatnot that promote it:


Little did we know that "Schlachthof" actually translates as "Slaughterhouse," and the venue is so named because the location used to be... a nazi work camp. Hiyo! Not even joking, there's a gigantic structure (abandoned) that is right outside the venue with an ominous gigantic chimney coming out the top of it:


But the crazy thing is that it's now totally a peaceful, artsy little commune where people come to practice music, kick a soccer ball around, grab a beer, etc.

Yikes enough? Touring with Ted Leo and the Pharmacists has been a blast though. The crazy thing about maintaining such a heavy tour schedule (1 gig every night for like 2 weeks straight) means that a normal day breaks down like this:

10 AM: wake up, shower, eat "breads and spreads" (if I have to eat another roll with a piece of cheese I'm going to kill someone.
11 AM - 5 PM: eat lunch, drive to next city, roll gear in
6 - 8 PM: soundcheck for both bands
8 PM: dinner
9:30 PM: Flesh play
10:30 - 12 AM: Ted Leo plays

During this time, I'm selling merch and shooting video. There's a ton of vegans/vegetarians so I'm eating lots of gnocchi and tofu. Suffice it to say, I'm over it. I've been having to sneak off to eat a cheeseburger.

After seeing Ted Leo Mit Das Pharmacists every night for like 10 nights in a row I am now officially a fan. I've been trying to shoot some footage of this song they play The Unwanted Things so I can post it for you guys.

Also, this reminds me of an old TTL review Andy wrote about liking only "reggae lite," ie- reggae as performed by white people. I agree! Here's 2 more white reggae jams I'm into:

THE CLASH - POLICE AND THIEVES



ELVIS COSTELLO - I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CHELSEA

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We are now officially locked into the proper tour. Our first morning here, I was walking from the shower to the hostel room in these pants I bought in Thailand:


Let it be known that I have no intention of ever wearing these pants in any place that people would see me. I don't even like pot. However I've found that they're quite comfortable to sleep in.

Anyway, I discover much to my chagrin that I am locked out of the room because everyone went downstairs to get the free breakfast, so I have to walk into the dining hall wearing these gigantic clown pants.

When I got those pot pants, I also bought this Tshirt:


The above shirt is amazing for the following reasons:

1. It says "Rolling Stone" instead of "The Rolling Stones," and is the font of the magazine, so it can be assumed whoever bootlegged the shirt did a straight scan of a magazine cover.
2. The colors for the Union Jack are completely wrong.
3. It says "Mick Jagger" and that is Keith Richards.
4. It's not even Young, Virile, Constantly-Lionized Keith Richards, it's Old, Falling Out Of Trees Keith Richards.
... so basically, the shirt is incorrect in literally every possible respect.

Also, it occurred to me that the only time anyone buys a music magazine is when they're about to get on an airplane. I would never read Spin or whatever otherwise... maybe if I'm about to get dinner alone or something. This theory was proved correct when Nathan bought the new NME and we boarded to fly to Austria.

Has anyone ever noticed that the UK music press is totally bombastic and hype the hell out of everything? When they review shit like the Arctic Monkeys they're like

"This album is the blueprint for the future of music for the next 30 years! 6 out of a possible 5 stars!"

Or if it's a punk magazine it's even worse, it'll say some nonsense like

"This sounds like if Sid Vicious were forced to dig his own grave at gunpoint by Iggy Pop, while performing a tracheotomy in a monster truck being driven by Danzig, the ghost of Keith Moon, and Frances Cobain (after she had arrived in a time machine from the future)!"

Anyway, the NME had an article about the new White Stripes LP, if you wanna hear it you can download the whole thing below... shout out to K Lee for the hook-up:

WHITE STRIPES - ICKY THUMP

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Hey everyone

I was kind of up in the air if I should blog here on the salute (cuz it's music) or on vachina (cuz thats a travel blog) b/c most of what I wanted to blog about was... traveling with a band! So it's a line-straddler. I'm in Europe following around my favorite band the Flesh. Here is my favorite song of theirs, which also happens to be like my favorite rock song of the past couple of years:

THE CRADLE, THE BROTHEL, THE BIBLE SCHOOL

They're supporting Ted Leo & the Pharmacists, and then the Blood Brothers and the Gossip in Austria, France and Amsterdam.

Roll call!

PETE / drums (giving head)
NATHAN / guitar & vox (receiving head)


JASON / bass (starring as a robot)



GABRIELLA / vox & keys


The first week was spent in London. Everyone dresses IMPECCABLY and is constantly drunk. We met a publicist for food at like 6 PM, she saw we weren't drinking, and immediately assumed we were all hardcore straight edge dudes.

Let me also say that the drinking age, as well as the age of consent, are both 16. WTF. In case that information does not communicate well in the written word, try to remember what you were like when you were 16, all awkward and gangly and whatnot. Now imagine that you go to bars and clubs and there are 40 year old shady dudes hawking around. EXACTLY. It's not exactly a fair fight. I shot a quick video to give you an idea. The two "our age" people are Sam (awesomest dude in history) and Gabriella talking about whatever, twenty-something issues, I assume. Then pan to 2x16 year olds giggling like monkeys because someone said the word "ass" by accident. I have never felt older than I did at this particular moment. It's like trying to hang out with literally children. I don't even think these kids know who the Rolling Stones are, and they're British:

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